Friday, February 28, 2014

If You're Happy and You Know It....

The Gallop National Polling company just called me and for 8 minutes asked me about my emotions.
"On a ladder with 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest, how do you feel today?"
I was surprised to hear myself say "8".
I wouldn't have been able to say that last month or last week but this week I have emerged from 6 months of crummy emotions.
My tummy has now untwisted, my heart beats have stabilized and I feel joy.
I am a little surprised to realize that I can feel this happy again.

I have to say here that I admire my husband for still being around through all of this.
Because he is a man, (and an addict), I don't believe that he has visited the emotional extremes that I frequently feel.  In the past when I have had negative emotions, he was unable to hold me in my pain and many times I have felt emotionally abandoned. But for the past 6 months he has valiantly tried to stay connected for the ride. I appreciate and admire that.

In group last week our therapist asked us women if any of us had any "slips" the previous week.

What???? Only ADDICTS have slips!

This idea that fear, panic and anger are slips is illuminating for me.--It makes me feel strong and gives me an excuse to not have knee-jerk emotions--Blaming my pain on my husband could be a... SLIP!

I am sooo glad to feel better than I did. I am thankful for passing TIME and for LifeStar and for healthy diversions.

At this moment my husband and kids are having a healthy diversion at the Energy Solutions Center at the Brian Regan concert--Brian can make anyone happy. Have you seen his emergency room clip? (He is also at an "8"!)   


" of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you..." -Jesus   (D&C 68:6)

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

"Goody goody"

Daisy:  My sister, Rose, and I have had a uniquely powerful dad.

Rose:  He was not typical.  He was sometimes found playing his banjo while driving an antique car on the wrong side of the road.  A vacation with him often involved serious mishaps that I learned to call "adventures."  But he loved his family.  He came up with a fun way to make children happy,  called "The Goody Bag."

Daisy: The "Goody Bag" was a bag that he filled with little toys, at least most of the objects could be defined as such.  I don't really remember any new toys they mostly seems like used toys that he found ...who knows where.

Rose:  They were like Happy Meal toys, and some looked like new and were really cool. Some were dirty and broken. The Goody Bag was a mix of everything. A kid would close their eyes, stick their hand into the Goody Bag, and pull out a treasure. The rule was that no matter what you got, you had to say, "goody goody!" Kids were always excited at the sight of the Goody Bag, but after receiving their toy, emotions were mixed. Some kids skipped away, happily playing with their fun, new toy.  Others burst into disappointed tears because their prize did not live up to expectations. Older kids were able to see the humor in the disappointing toys.

Daisy:  Our Dad was a talented teacher and the goody bag taught us that we aren't going to be happy about everything that happens to us in our life but sometimes we just need to say "goody goody" anyways. There can be found benefit in even ugly hard times.

Rose:  One of my favorite talks is by Joseph B Wirthlin, Come What May and Love It.  He says, "How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can’t—at least not in the moment. I don’t [suggest] that we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I don’t [suggest] that we smother unpleasant truths beneath a cloak of pretended happiness. But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life. If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness." 

Daisy: Our Dad was a great example of this. He suffered from depression most of his life but he didn't whine about it or lay on the couch all day. He had the "goody goody" attitude.--- He was a successful dad and a successful businessman. He didn't use his challenge as an excuse. He had lots of unique hobbies, served well in his callings and made gifts for the neighbor children. He died suddenly about 11 years ago but he left a great legacy.

Rose: I try to learn from my dad and the goody bag.  I try to see disappointments as the opportunities they truly are.  That helps me to smile, sometimes through my tears, and say, "goody goody."

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Chocolate Scrub

When a special occasion like Valentines Day creeps nearer and nearer my blood pressure creeps higher and higher. 
These holidays seem to erupt the problems that on normal days may lay dormant.
Valentines Day can be an exceptionally sticky occasion, especially when the "Valentine" has an addiction. It's expected to be a day of love sharing but addictions can be love-BLOCKERS---The love and warmth I have shown and felt for my sweetheart hasn't always seeped through his love-blocking filter so he is usually feeling starved for love no matter what I do and then I end up being starved for love.

Just pondering what I can do for him on this Hallmark holiday makes my arms feel weak, my heart have irregular beats and I feel dizzy.

To ease my stress, I think this year my valentine will be Me.
I could use a little more self-care and compassion and I will accept my gift with an open heart. A little extra pampering sounds fabulous and I will let my love and appreciation for myself sink deep into my soul and let it heal me.
What sounds good to me right now is a Self Spa.
--A bowl of ice-cream, a honey-dew facial and a chocolate body scrub.

Happy Valentines Day to Me and to each of YOU!

Chocolate Body Scrub
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
1/2 cup olive oil
1 Tbsp cocoa powder
1/4 tsp almond extract
Mix. Scoop in little jars. Depending on the size of the jars,
you might have a jar for yourself and also gifts for your visiting teachees! :)
To use: Gently massage onto body to exfoliate and moisturize skin.
This will look crazy weird, smell delicious and make you laugh out loud.
Afterwards your skin will feel amazing.
 Not for facial use.

Honey-Dew Facial
Clean face and spread honey on like a mask.
Rest for as long as you'd like and then wash off with warm wash cloth.

Ice Cream

Monday, February 10, 2014

#hashtagsmashtag #pornkillslove #agencystinks

Do we have to filter hashtags too?

I drive four young teenage girls to tennis lessons every Monday afternoon. Listening to their happy conversations sometimes makes me want to LOL .....but I hold it in.  ---The girls have more fun when they forget that a parent is listening.
On my last drive the girls had a giddy conversation about Instagram. After dropping them off I got on my own Instagram that my daughters set up for me a few weeks previous. There were some fun pictures and hashtags. I clicked on a hashtag for the first time ever.....and OH MY GOSH--I had to close my eyes quick and tight! Isn't there any safe place on the Internet for teenagers without filth?

That night I asked my daughter if she ever runs into pornography on her IPod Touch and she said that only when she has clicked on the hashtags.

Trying to filter pornography from my family and home is impossible. I am hoping that FILTERING is maybe the 3rd line of defense. The first line of defense may be LOVE.--Something I have more control over but that I haven't been that good at.

I wish that I could be a young mom again and love my kids better. I think that I was too preoccupied with trying to be GOD---putting most of my energies into saving my husband. And when I wasn't being God, I was being Satan---busy filtering, making rules and taking away agency as much as I could to prevent my husband and kids from learning from their own experiences. All this wasted energy trying to be someone that I wasn't made me a disengaged mom.

In LifeStar we learned that 2/3rd of all addicts come from rigid and disengaged homes. BINGO! That's my home. My husband has been disengaged because of his addiction and I have been disengaged because of his addiction.

If I could go back to being a young mom again, I would know that I cannot solve the addictions of others, but that God CAN and that I should just relax more and let Him.

If I could go back to being a young mom again, I would live in the present more, make Kool-aid more, hug more, listen more and sit on the rug and play games more.

If I could go back to being a young mom again, I would stand up for myself more and for straight thinking more.

But Alas, I can't go back...but I am still a mom (and a grandmom!) It didn't work for me to try to be God or Satan.... but I can be a Powerful Mom....which is enough. I am going to try to be better.

#itsnottoolate  #momsarepowerful #loveistime

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Teaching my kids to decieve their Parents.

My mother called from out of state and asked if she and my dad could stay with me overnight while they attended a wedding.
Normally this would be a real treat but they don't know that my husband and I are
.......and I don't want them to know because they are in their 70's and deserve to be enjoying their twilight years happy and free from extra worries. -----My husband and I will get this figured out---they don't need to worry...
So what did I do?
I invited my husband over for a sleepover.
He brought his sleeping bag.
My kids understood.
I hope that when I am old that my kids will have learned everything that I have taught them and do the same for me. :)
PS. I had a great time with my husband. Maybe I will invite him over for another sleepover sometime.