Monday, June 23, 2014

One-Liners from the Crazy Lady living in the House of Mirrors

There are not too many people that have attended more therapy than I have.

Call Me Crazy if you want

but being married to a sex addict is like living in a House of Mirrors--I am not always sure who I am, who my husband is and which direction to step on the shifting floor in my daily maze.
I've probably been to 10 plus therapists, attended S-ANON groups , LDS 12-step groups, Rory Reid's Women's group, Addo and Life Star.
and what have I learned??
I feel like after 30 years of marriage and all this therapy, I am finally in recovery.
I went through all my journals, memory and workbooks and collected many of the one-liners that aided little "Aha" moments for me.
I share this list with you in hopes that it will help save someone at least one $100 visit to the therapist or a moment free of the Fun House, but if not, know that you aren't crazy.

Recovery One-Liners
Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out.
Don’t interrupt the law of sowing and reaping in others.
Don’t let others’ chose your happiness.
It’s not your job to be the Holy Ghost.
Don’t tolerate abuse.
Rescuing is not an act of love.
Don’t offer sex as a service.
Many sex addicts are looking for sexual experiences but what they really want is love and affection.
Don’t give cheap forgiveness.
Have direct, open, honest, clear and appropriate communication.
There is nothing more earth-shaking then a confident woman who speaks her truth.
Don't take things personal.
Be available and supportive of his feelings.
Do what is best for me because what is best for me is what is best for my family.
The person who cares the most is held hostage by the one who cares the least.
Trust has to be earned.
If husband withholds love---ignore him.

 If you don’t grieve what you have lost, then you can’t move forward.
It’s healthy to take time to lick your wounds.
Change comes when the pain associated with persisting in the behavior exceeds the pain associated with change.
Be comfortable feeling guilty.
Zen of Control—when you finally stop controlling others, you gain control.
Don’t criticize—it kills the desire to change.
Life is a classroom, not a testing center.
When a wife sets boundaries, a husband grows up.
When the fear of losing yourself is greater than the fear of abandonment, then change starts to happen.
People who get angry at others for setting boundaries have a character problem.
Don’t let others anger get in your walls.
Seek out soothing environments.
When we avoid conflict we can’t grow--We grow in the battle.
What does the Lord want me to learn from this experience?
What do I need to change?
Be Patient.
Pain is inevitable---misery is a choice.
You get respect when you give it to yourself.
It is easier to change in an environment of compassion.
Be authentic.
Codependency is being so attached to someone else that we forget who we are and what we want.
Drama doesn’t solve anything.
You can’t argue with an addict.
It’s our responsibility to train others how to treat us.
Close eyes and take 3 deep breaths.
Anger doesn’t just disappear. If it is not processed in a healthy way it will come out sideways.
Sex is not one of the love languages.
Co-dependency is inadequate love for ourselves.
Having a loved one who is a sex addict is not my fault.
Sex addiction is about emotional mismanagement.
You can tell when you are enabling because it is comes with feelings of resentment.
Surrender is letting go of the outcome to God.
Live in the present.

"And now, verily I say unto you, and what I say unto one I say unto all, be of good cheer, little children; for I am in your midst, and I have not forsaken you;D&C 61:36