Dear Beautiful Wives of Sex Addicts,
I need your help.
It's past time for me to come up with some boundaries...but setting boundaries feels so unnatural for me. Why can't everyone just be GOOD ....and NICE?
So I 've read several books and as many of YOUR boundaries as I could find and now have drafted my own.
Would you mind reading through them and sharing your opinions? Are they okay? Did I leave anything out?
Thanks.
My Rights and Boundaries
I fell in
love with my husband and married him not knowing that there was an
addiction problem. I have done my best to love the problem away but it has not worked.
My heart can no longer bear all the issues associated with this addiction. I
deserve a faithful, honest and kind husband.
I will no longer allow my husband's bad
behaviors to dominate my life.
If I feel manipulated,
shunned, bullied, mocked or punished, then I will naturally need emotional
distance from my husband. If it’s bad enough then he will need to sleep in the guest
bed. I will also turn to my tiger team for support.
I have a right to have a faithful
husband. If he
cheats on me in any form,
then I will naturally need emotional and physical distance from him and he will
need to sleep in the guest bed. I will also turn to my tiger team for support.
I have a right to have an honest
husband. If I
uncover a lie in any form, then I will want my husband to move out until I feel safe
with him again. It’s not possible to build a strong marriage without trust. During
that space I will work on my own healing and turn to my tiger team for support.
I have a right to live with a husband
who is working on his recovery. If I feel that recovery efforts stall or stop then I will
take a break from my marriage and ask my husband to move out.
I have a right to live in a porn-free
home. If I discover
devices that have been used for viewing porn then I will put a filter on them
or destroy them.
I have a right to feel loved for more
than just my body.
If I feel any pressure from my husband in sexual matters or if I feel that my body is
the main source of attraction, I will take sex off the table, until I feel like he loves me for more than my body.
I think those are great boundaries. It is hard to think of boundaries when we are taught our whole lives to forgive and love unconditionally.
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