Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Boundaries?



Dear Beautiful Wives of Sex Addicts,
I need your help.
It's past time for me to come up with some boundaries...but setting boundaries feels so unnatural for me. Why can't everyone just be GOOD ....and NICE?
So I 've read several books and as many of YOUR boundaries as I could find and now have drafted my own. 
Would you mind reading through them and sharing your opinions? Are they okay? Did I leave anything out?
Thanks. 





My Rights and Boundaries
I fell in love with my husband and married him not knowing that there was an addiction problem. I have done my best to love the problem away but it has not worked. My heart can no longer bear all the issues associated with this addiction. I deserve a faithful, honest and kind husband.
I will no longer allow my husband's bad behaviors to dominate my life.
If I feel manipulated, shunned, bullied, mocked or punished, then I will naturally need emotional distance from my husband. If it’s bad enough then he will need to sleep in the guest bed. I will also turn to my tiger team for support.
I have a right to have a faithful husband. If he cheats on me in any form, then I will naturally need emotional and physical distance from him and he will need to sleep in the guest bed. I will also turn to my tiger team for support.
I have a right to have an honest husband. If I uncover a lie in any form, then I will want my husband to move out until I feel safe with him again. It’s not possible to build a strong marriage without trust. During that space I will work on my own healing and turn to my tiger team for support.
I have a right to live with a husband who is working on his recovery. If I feel that recovery efforts stall or stop then I will take a break from my marriage and ask my husband to move out.
I have a right to live in a porn-free home. If I discover devices that have been used for viewing porn then I will put a filter on them or destroy them.
I have a right to feel loved for more than just my body. If I feel any pressure from my husband in sexual matters or if I feel that my body is the main source of attraction, I will take sex off the table, until I feel like he loves me for more than my body.

1 comment:

  1. I think those are great boundaries. It is hard to think of boundaries when we are taught our whole lives to forgive and love unconditionally.

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