The question triggered me into trauma.
The old me thinks: If I don't go, he will relapse.
The new me thinks: Not all the policing and loving in the world will stop him from relapsing.
The strong me thinks: I'm not sure...maybe I have SOME control of the situation.
I decided not to go. It would be a big step as we are currently in a marriage separation.
That was 2 weeks ago and I haven't recovered from my trauma yet. I feel jittery, weak, anxious and keyed up.
I am told that a person in my situation is suffering from Post Tramatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The Mayo Clinic's definition of PTSD is: a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the events.
They go on to say that it's important to get treatment as soon as possible and that with time and self care things should improve.
I am getting lots of treatment--face to face therapy, online therapy, 12-step, my "tiger team", good books...But there are moments (or weeks) when all the support in the world is not enough.
In the past when I have worried over my loved ones I have pictured placing them in the arms of Christ and letting go of my worries over them...... as much as I can. It has helped.
I think today......I'm going to place myself in His arms and close my eyes ....and let go....as much as I can.
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." -Jesus
Matt. 11:28 
That was beautiful. And it is good advice for all of us.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about you during church and this quote came to mind. This morning in my prayers it came again so I will follow the prompting and send it to you.
ReplyDeleteEvery tear today will be returned with multiple tears of joy and gratitude.
Let go and let God.
Lj
That has come to pass today...read my next blog. Thank you.
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