Feeling the Burn

I have been married to a sex addict for 29 years. We’ve spent enough money on therapists to buy a small castle in Ireland. I should have bought the castle because recovery work with addicts is slow going…at least in my case. For all these years I have felt like my husband has been the problem….”If only he would change, things would be good.”  “It is NOT me who is the problem!”

 …….or so I thought!

I now am ready to take responsibility for my part of the problem----like most other good women, I FORGIVE TOO EASILY! I thought forgiving was a virtue but if you touch a hot stove and don’t get burned you don’t learn your lesson. My husband has had little consequences for his acting out during our marriage. There is a common saying among therapists which says that, “People don’t change until the pain of not changing is greater than the pain of changing.” So with Heaven’s blessing, I asked my husband to move out.

There are no laurel classes or additional Relief Society meetings on “How to separate from your husband.” Extracting your other half after 30 years is excruciatingly painful. For a few days I felt like vomiting blood. I miss him. Sometimes I sleep on his side of the bed for comfort. I worry that he might be feeling some HURT because of my decision to have him move out. ISN’T THAT CRAZY?????. He has hurt me deeply over and over but I don’t want him to feel any pain.

…….I may need therapy for 29 MORE years!

I have felt like I have been in a tug-o-war with Satan for the soul of my husband…….but maybe I have been in a tug-o-war with the Lord. So I’m letting go of my husband and letting Him take over.

 I love the scripture story found in 2 Kings 6 where the Syrian army was sent to kill Elisha, the prophet. The Syrian soldiers, horses and chariots surrounded his house by night. When Elisha’s servant looked out the window the next morning, he was terrified and he asked Elisha what they should do. Elisha then said, “Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them” (2 Kgs. 6:16). Then God opened the servant’s eyes and he saw “the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha” (2 Kgs. 6:17).

I hope these chariots of fire are out there to help rescue my husband and others who are struggling with addictions. The odds are against my marriage working out but I have faith that it will and I know that “With God all things are possible.” (Matt. 19:26)

On our first visit with our NEWEST therapist together (therapist #7), the therapist looked at me and said, “You are going to be in for a treat when your husband becomes sexually sober.------You will have the husband you have always dreamed of….but never had.”

A few days ago the doorbell rang and a big beautiful poinsettia plant was delivered to my door……from my husband….I wonder if he is finally feeling the burn.

--Daisy