Morning Glory / Recovery Dailies

 There is a Spanish phrase that goes, "Mala hierba nunca muere" meaning "a bad weed never dies" and I believe this is true when it comes to the weed of Morning Glory in my garden. It does have a glorious name and a pretty white to purple flower but it twists around all my other plants, retards their potential and eventually chokes them to death. Morning Glory spreads rapidly and is almost impossible to eradicate. If you pull it up by it's roots...it looks gone for a few days but it comes back and sometimes it can even re-appear years later. The only way that I have found to keep Morning Glory from destroying my garden is by spending a little time in my garden daily--protecting the fruit.

Morning Glory reminds me of pornography--it too spread rapidly and is almost impossible to eradicate. I believe that pornography is Satan's atomic bomb. It destroys a soul's potential and blows families apart. Is it a coincidence that Son of the Morning (Satan) and Morning Glory share a common name?

You hear many women talk about "D-day" which means the day that they discovered that their loved one has been cheating and deceiving them. In the military "D-day" means the designated day that a military attack is to begin. Either way, for a woman who loves someone who is addicted to lust, the discovery feels like a personal attack causing her to experience symptoms of PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). Many woman talk about D-day like it was a one-time event. For me it has happened almost every 5 years of my 30-year marriage and it blows the ground out from under my feet every time. This last time it took me a while to climb back out of that hole. Now that I am out, I am going to counter attack the effects of pornography and lust doing just what I do to keep Morning Glory out of my garden, by tending to my "garden" daily.

 Here is my action plan:

Maintain my Support System--

Tomato plants need cages to support them. Green beans need a trellis to climb up on and Loved Ones of Lust Addicts need safe people to stabilize them. Isolation is lonely and static. I have spent years keeping secrets and not letting anyone look into my eyes for fear they would see my black hole of pain. It's a lonely dead place. Reaching out is how we grow and heal. Our support can be our 12-step groups, our sponsors, private forums, a therapist, a clergy leader, close friends or family members (or all of the above!). This support system can hold us steady when we have to communicate TRUTH to our loved ones and we know that we will be gas-lighted, blamed and punished in response. Having support helps lift us when we have to make hard decisions that feel like we are defying gravity. Consider a grape cluster without support-- The plant would collapse and all the fruit would rot on the ground.

Build and Maintain Boundaries-

 Boundaries help keep the good in and the weeds out. They are complicated and involve hard work. Most of the time our boundaries need to be unique to our own circumstances. Boundaries also help keep us from trying to weed others' gardens where we interrupt the law of sowing and reaping for them. This just slows down the recovery process for everyone.

Regularly Prevent Weeds-

Filters help keep weed seeds from entering the water system. The best filters to keep pornography out of our homes are love and connection with our loved ones. After that it is good to set up some commercial filters on our computers and devices. I like Open DNS because it is free and it helps filter every Internet device in the home. I have set up several filters, I check them regularly. There is no way to block all bad content from coming into a modern-day home. I have to accept that because, if I run around trying to plug every hole and policing everyone, it sends me to the Crazy House. If God wants me to know something, He will show me but having some basic filters is being responsible and gives peace of mind.

Fertilize-

 I nourish myself daily by trying to eat real food, drinking lots of water, being active, doing lots of self care, serving and making lists of things that I like to do and doing them. For years I lost myself in this addiction while I was consumed with trying to keep my husband happy and sin-free. I never succeeded. This is not my job--I am not his clown or his Holy Ghost. It has been an exciting exploration process as I have been nurturing, strengthening, un-thawing and finding me again.

Seek Sunshine--

 FEAR is a God blocker--I try to surrender (and re-surrender) to God the things that are out of my control. I pray daily, I read my scriptures before I get on any social media....daily, I journal and try to enjoy God's creations to the fullest...especially food.  ;-) I try to find as many ways to let God's light into my life as possible. Having a healthy garden takes a lot of work!

I have tried and tried to give Morning Glory and Pornography a slow, painful and agonizing death. The only thing that works for me is to spend time everyday protecting the fruits of my life and garden. I can still see the weeds outside of my garden but I am going to do my best to not let them in and let the Master Gardener take care of the rest.

Today as I was out in my garden hoeing, my husband came out and joked,

 "Are you OUT-STANDING in your field?"

As a matter of fact, with daily work, I AM!  ;-)

 --Daisy

I have a garden, a secret garden, 
Where thot's like flowers grow day by day; 
'Tis I must choose them, and tend and use them, 
And cast all wrong ones like weeds a way.
 Goodness and love are seeds that I sow;
God up above will help me I know,
To keep my garden, my heart's own garden,
A place where beauty will always grow.
--From the old orange Sing With Me primary song book.
Written by Maryhale Woolsey

*All photos from my own little garden.  :-)

 

My Zucchini Revelation

Not everyone can claim that their mother has had a face-lift 

and that their father has had an eye-lid lift, a nose job and hair transplants.

But I can.

 At our last family reunion a month ago, we had a live auction where there was a fierce bid battle for the donated Botox injections. 

I know what you are thinking--that I have a vain family.

 Maybe.

Or, I could have just been born into a mud-ugly family and we are just trying to be accepted into society.  :-)

Either way, it has left me wondering where the line is between taking good care of yourself and being preoccupied with yourself. 

 One day (as I was pondering this), I was standing in my vegetable garden and I noticed a new bright orange flower on a zucchini plant for the first time.  It was big, bold and beautiful and I wondered why the zucchini couldn't keep it's glowing flower for a longer time. This is when I received a 2-part revelation. :-)

 I call it my "Zucchini Revelation".

 The message I received was that if the plant just focused on having a beautiful flower, then it wouldn't be able to produce the amazing fruit to be made into zucchini bread, relish, casseroles.....and so many other yummy things to nourish our families.....As the flower dims, the squash begins to grow. ---- The message to me is that if I spend too much time and money on my flower then my fruits of service and love towards others will be neglected and small. 

I learned that I needed to find the balance between flower and fruit.

The second part of the revelation that I understood was to allow each person to find their own balance between flower and fruit and that it wasn't my job to judge them.

The most beautiful women that I know are those that reflect light--like stars, sparkles in the snow, and drops of dew in the morning light.  These women reflect the Lord's light. In D&C 50:24 it says “That which is of God is light; and he that received light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light growth brighter and brighter until the perfect day.”   In D&C 115:5 it says, “Verily I say unto you all: Arise and shine forth, that thy light may be a standard for the nations.” We can reflect light by finding and fulfilling our purpose in life and serving the Lord and others. 

Whether we are in full bloom or ready to harvest, let's do our thing in front of the mirror to sparkle up and then let's turn around and ask God, "Who can I nourish today?" (and some days this may be ourselves.)

 Women doing God's work are dazzling.

 

"....on the good ground are they, which in an honest and good heart, having heard the word, keep it, and bring forth fruit with patience. " Luke 8:15

For more info on healthy body image: http://www.beautyredefined.net/

Bonus Material!

Beautiful Zucchini Bread 

by Daisy

2 cups sugar

1 cup oil

3 eggs

1 tsp soda

3 cups flour

1 1/4 tsp baking powder

1 tsp cinnamon

2 cups grated zucchini

3 tsp grated orange

3 t vanilla

chocolate chips to taste

Mix and bake at 325 for 1 hour.

Take Care, Daisy

An Unashamed Plug

I grew up in a log home on a mountain in Wyoming.  Above the house in a small clump of Aspen trees, was our well that provided us water.  I've long since moved so my memories of the well come from the mind of a child and my child memory says that the hole in the ground was about 15 feet deep and the water in the hole would rise and fall within that space. I can feel the anxiety level rise in me just thinking about the well. It was dark, had gurgley sounds and housed many unseen but imagined creatures....

One day my dad and I were looking down into the hole and my dad's sunglasses fell off of his head and landed on a small board that was floating on top of the water in the well. It was quiet for a minute as we each pondered what had just happened and what our options were in recovering the glasses and then Dad turned to me and said, "I will give you a candy bar if you will let me hold you by your feet and lower you down into the well so that you can grab my glasses."


No. Way.

I didn't have the courage.

As an adult, I didn't have a choice when I found myself in a "hole"--upside down, alone and scared as a loved one of a sex addict. I've always known that God was holding onto my feet to keep me from drowning but He has never taken away my struggle.- The struggle to breath. The struggle to see. The struggle to think straight.

I was there for many years (decades) struggling alone because I was afraid. I was afraid for anyone to know my secret and I felt I had to hide my husband's secret.

When I did get out, it was because of a human chain of women who knew what it was like to be in the hole. They were linked together reaching down for me..

The Togetherness Project recently shared this quote by Rachel Naomi Remen,

 "Expertise cures, but wounded people can best be healed by other wounded people. Only other wounded people can understand what is needed, for the healing of suffering is compassion, not expertise."

One place of compassion for me has been www.hopeandhealinglds.com. They have a private forum where betrayed women can "talk", share wisdom, resources and wit anonymously. It is a place where I have been able to link my arms with other woman warriors and be supported when there was no ground to stand on. It's a safe place. It's a gathering place not only for women but also for resources (links, blogs, support meeting options, therapists, filters, resources for moms ...)

Now that I am linked tight with a strong chain of women, I want to reach out and find others to help out of dark places.

Do YOU need a lift? Come join hearts with us!

If you are already linked in the chain of recovering women and have enjoyed the benefits of this private forum, would you mind adding the Hope and Healing "button" to your blog? Here is the info to paste into your gadget:

<a href="http://www.hopeandhealinglds.com/forum-for-wives/"><img src="http://www.hopeandhealinglds.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/cherryblossoms2a.jpg" alt=""Mormon wives pornography addiction"></a>

There is a tutorial on how to add a button here.

Also, Hope & Healing is looking to publish guest posts on their site. If you have an Awesome post on HOPE or HEALING that you would like to submit for review, you can send it here.

I love you. We love you. This is a hard trial but together we are going to be OK and we are going to be happier and healthier than we have ever been.

Post note- I didn't have the courage to get my dad's glasses, but my little sister did. She got the glasses.... and the candy bar. I love sisters.
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 "I would that ye should remember, that as much as ye shall put your trust in God even so much ye shall be delievered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions, and ye shall be lifted up at the last day."  --Alma 38:5