Emotional Check-Ins

Few things have helped me (and my husband) more in our recovery from addiction and betrayal trauma than emotional check-ins. This is a simple and powerful practice that helps foster connection with self and others.

I first learned how to do a check-in in LifeStar Therapy. Everyone is pretty sick when they first show up there so they started out easy by showing us a page of emojis to chose from. All we had to do was point to the face that best described how we were feeling. As easy as that sounds, it took some practice. Many addicts have shut off their emotions to sleep at night and their loved one's have shut off their emotions to keep breathing.

After trying many different check-in's, I decided that none of them had all the elements that I loved so I created my own. It is attached to the acronym C. H. E. C. K.- I. N.. If you have any questions, just reach out to me in the comments.

Check-In

Emotionally connecting with self and partner

Clean living date: (What is the sobriety date? For the loved one, how is my serenity today?)
How have I worked recovery today? (Step work, exercise, scriptures, service, talking to sponsor....)
Emotions: (How do I feel today?)
Compliments: (Share the positives I see in my partner.)
Knots or Kinks in self: (What is my own junk to own and work on?)

I need .... (What do I need?)
Newsworthy blessings: (Principles learned, a Hand of God moment that day.)


Happy connecting,
Daisy


Wait on the Lord: be of good courage and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.
 -Psalms 27:14

Connecting the Dots--Recovery from Betrayal Trauma

On Sunday I sat behind a red-headed 15 year old at church and he was doing a dot to dot puzzle like none other. It probably had at least 1,000 dots. It looked like chaos. It looked like fun.

I wanted to reach my arm over the bench with my pen and connect a few dots. By the end of sacrament meeting a picture was forming.

I thought about how this was like my life at times; chaos. I thought about how what works best for me is just continuing doing the next right thing.....and then the next right thing. The beautiful picture is there but I can't always see it. God can see it though. I just need to have faith that something good is going to come of the mess.

The next day I decided to listen to President Uchtdorf's talk​. He had spoken to the youth of the church in a devotional from Temple Square in Salt Lake City on the previous Saturday. 

In the devotional President Uchtdorf said:
 
".....when we look at our lives in the frame of the gospel of Jesus Christ, we can begin to see how the various dots in our lives interconnect. We may not be able to see the entire picture just yet, but we’ll see enough to trust that there is a beautiful, grand design. And as we strive to trust God and follow His Son, Jesus Christ, one day we will see the finished product, and we will know that the very hand of God was directing and guiding our steps.

We will know that the Master Artist had a plan for those random dots all along."

"Don’t get overwhelmed by the many large, difficult tasks of life. If you commit to doing the “easy” things—the “small” things God asks you to do—and you do them as perfectly as you can, big things will follow.

Some of these “small and easy” things you could do perfectly are daily prayer, studying the scriptures, living the Word of Wisdom, attending church, praying with real intent, and paying tithes and offerings.

Do these things even when you don’t want to. These “sacrifices” may appear to be small, but they are important, for “sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven.”

"In a sense, your “small and simple” sacrifices are the dots of daily living that make up the masterpiece painting of your life. You may not see how the dots connect now, and you don’t need to yet. Simply have faith enough for the moment you are living in now. Trust in God, and “out of small things [will come] that which is great."

"Your work is to make the best decisions you can based on the information available to you, grounded in the values and principles of the gospel. Then strive with all your might to succeed in the things you undertake—and be faithful.

Do that, and the dots will connect.

Perhaps it’s disappointing to hear that God won’t necessarily give you a detailed itinerary for your life’s journey. But do you really want direction in every detail of your life?

Do you really want someone giving you the cheat codes to life before you have a chance to figure things out for yourself? What kind of adventure would that be?"

"You may not see it until much later, but you will look back and know that the Lord did indeed direct and guide your path.

The dots did connect."

"On that future day, you will look back on this cherished and exciting adventure of mortality, and you will understand. You will see that the dots really did connect into a beautiful pattern, more sublime than you ever could have imagined. With unspeakable gratitude, you will see that God Himself, in His abounding love, grace, and compassion, was always there watching over you, blessing you, and guiding your steps as you walked toward Him." 


After reading his talk, I decided to go to the toy store and buy myself some dot to dot books. The kind with 1,000+ dots. Now I have them by my scriptures and I connect a few dots everyday. It's fun. It's self-care. It gives me hope.

Here is an on-line dot to dot for you. Just for fun. Start on number one and hold your mouse button down as you connect the dots one at a time till you get back to one again.

Remember, life is simple. All you need to do, is the next right thing or just sit down on your dot and do self-care.

Love, Daisy

"Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby." -Hebrews 12:11